I overheard a conversation about how to best work through arguments with partners and spouses. I don’t know these people, but I thought they were dropping some truth bombs—so I jotted down a highlight and then added a few of my own…

“Let your partner be heard. Let them be right… Let them win. Let go of the need to leave an argument the victor. Instead, leave the argument behind.”

– Some people who seemed pretty smart

In the dance of relationships, it’s not about who steps on whose foot. It’s about the rhythm, the shared heartbeat. Winning an argument? That’s a blaring trumpet in a delicate waltz. It’s a disruption, a break in the music. It’s ego masquerading as victory. Ditch that noisy trumpet.

Invite your partner’s voice to the floor. Let it waltz with your own. Let it twirl, dip, and rise to the crescendo. Their opinions, their feelings, they’re not your adversaries. They are dance partners, adding color, flair, and syncopation to the rhythm. Let them be right sometimes. Let them take the lead.

Winning? It’s a mirage, a false trophy. It holds the glimmer of triumph but tastes of ash. Instead, leave the dusty arena of arguments behind. Break free from the chain of win-lose. Choose understanding, choose connection. Prioritize the harmony of the dance over the hollow clatter of the trophy.

In this beautiful dance of connection, you’re not a warrior, you’re a dancer. Not a contender, but a partner. Shift from combat to harmony, from discord to unity. Let go of the need to conquer, to emerge victorious. Let love and understanding be your guiding stars.

Cultivate a garden of understanding, where the need to win doesn’t choke the budding flowers of connection. Let empathy irrigate this garden, let love be its sunshine. In this space, there’s no room for ego’s thorns. Only room for the blossoming of shared understanding and connection.

Embrace this shift. Embrace the dance. Leave the battlefield, welcome the ballroom. Drop the sword, extend a hand. Choose understanding over victory. Choose love over ego. You’re not just letting your partner win, you’re letting your relationship flourish.

Stephen Boudreau serves as VP of Brand and Community at Virtuous Software. For over two decades, he has helped nonprofits leverage the digital space to grow their impact. To that end, Stephen co-founded RaiseDonors, a platform that provides nonprofits with technology and experiences that remove barriers to successful online fundraising. He is an avid (but aging) soccer player, audiobook enthusiast, and the heavily-disputed UNO champion of his household.

Copyright ©2023 Stephen Boudreau.