“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
Groucho Marx
People will argue endlessly about politics, religion, or whether Ross and Rachel were really “on a break.” But ask someone, namely me, about their favorite fruit and you’ll get a level of passion normally reserved for sports rivalries and family feuds.
Fruit isn’t just food—it’s personality. A banana isn’t just a banana, it’s a lifestyle choice. A pineapple isn’t just spiky, it’s a test of patience and knife skills. Grapes? The snack of cowards—never ready to commit to a single piece of fruit, just popping them like indecisive popcorn.
So here’s my list. Equal parts taste, nostalgia, and the irrational logic that makes sense only when you’re standing in the produce aisle at 10 p.m., debating whether kiwi counts as fruit or just a prank from New Zealand.
The Fruit Podium
Gold: Mango
The king of fruits, and rightly so. A perfect balance of juicy, sweet, and tropical—like a vacation you can eat. But it’s not just taste, it’s ritual. Wrestling with the pit, juice running down your arm, that first bite so good it feels like you’ve been lied to by every other fruit. Once you’ve had a mango at its peak, apples start to feel like office snacks.
Silver: Avocado
The overachiever of the fruit world—delicious on toast, in guacamole, or eaten straight from the shell with a spoon. Is there anything it can’t do? It’s the only fruit with enough confidence to moonlight as butter and still get invited to brunch. And unlike other fruits, it has mastered suspense: not ripe, not ripe, not ripe… ripe for five minutes… rotten. A true diva.
Bronze: Nectarine
The peach’s more refined cousin, with no fuzz to get in the way of pure, sweet perfection. I’m convinced it has medicinal powers, because one bite and I feel like I could run a marathon… if I were into that sort of thing. Nectarines are summer distilled, sweet enough to feel like a reward just for existing.
Honorable Mentions
Watermelon: Crisp, refreshing, and proof that science peaked when it gave us seedless watermelon. It’s basically the fruit version of air conditioning.
Strawberries: The icon of the fruit bowl, strawberries are nature’s candy and somehow make you feel healthy while eating dessert.
Honey-crisp Apple: The gold standard of apples—crisp, sweet, and loud enough that everyone in the room knows you’re eating one. Every other apple is just background noise.
Grapefruit: A fruit that’s like life itself—sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, but always worth it. Also, let’s be honest: it’s the most lazily named fruit. There were already grapes, and someone just slapped “fruit” on the end and called it a day.
Kumquat: The little fruit that packs a punch—sweet, tart, and eaten whole, peel and all. It’s like the rollercoaster of fruits, and I’m here for the ride.
Orange / Tangerines (tie): The zesty duo that brightens up any day. Oranges bring the juice, tangerines bring the convenience. Together they’re pocket-sized sunshine you can peel.
Grapes: Yes, I mocked them earlier. And yes, I still stand by it. But also… I love them. Tiny orbs of happiness that make snacking feel fancy. They’re basically wine in training, and who can argue with that?
Banana: The workhorse of fruits—always reliable, perfectly portable, and packed with potassium. And let’s not forget the joy of peeling one like a pro.
Lemons / Limes (another tie): The unsung heroes of flavor—rarely the star, but always the scene-stealer. Cocktails, tacos, salad dressing, even a glass of water—they make everything sharper, brighter, better. Life may not hand out mangoes, but if it gives you lemons or limes, you’re still doing alright.
Tomato: The fruit that moonlights as a vegetable, tomatoes are the shapeshifters of the kitchen. From sauces to salads, they’re always the star of the show.
Peach: A fuzz-covered hug from nature—at least in theory. In practice, I can’t stand the fuzz. I’ll only eat them peeled, maybe even canned, which I realize is peach blasphemy. Still, when the fuzz is gone, what’s left is pure summer sweetness.
Honeydew: Often the forgotten cousin of melons, but when it’s good, it’s a sweet, green dream. The underdog of the fruit salad.
Plum: Small but mighty, plums are tart, sweet, and a little mysterious. The fruit equivalent of a short story with a perfect twist.
