My favorite fruits

There’s something both wonderfully absurd and deeply satisfying about ranking things that really don’t need to be ranked. I’ve turned the trivial act of ranking the mundane into something of a personal art form—a hobby that exists somewhere between idle amusement and borderline obsession.

So, why not fruits? There’s no grand scientific method behind this, no nutritional analysis, just a simple hierarchy of what I enjoy, based on nothing more than my own whims. I mean, is there a greater exercise in futility than debating the merits of a good peach versus the reliability of an apple? Probably not, but here we are.

I love lists. Lists are neat. They provide structure to the chaos, a sense of control over a world that insists on being unpredictable. And they allow me to lean into the sheer silliness of pretending my personal preference for, say, a kumquat over a kiwi is somehow important to anyone else. Spoiler alert: it’s not. But that’s never stopped me before.

This isn’t my first list, and it certainly won’t be my last. I’ve ranked everything from breakfast cereals to pasta shapes, and now, in the spirit of indulgence, I present to you my definitive ranking of fruits. Let’s dive into this fruity madness, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that no fruit deserves to go unranked.

My Official Fruit Power Rankings

Mango: The king of fruits, and rightly so. A perfect balance of juicy, sweet, and tropical—like a vacation you can eat.

Avocado (nerd alert, it’s a fruit): The overachiever of the fruit world—delicious on toast, in guacamole, or eaten straight from the shell with a spoon. Is there anything it can’t do?

Nectarine: The peach’s more refined cousin, with no fuzz to get in the way of pure, sweet perfection. I’m convinced it has medicinal powers, because one bite and I feel like I could run a marathon… if I were into that sort of thing.

Watermelon: Crisp, refreshing, and a total mess to eat—but worth every seed-spitting moment. It’s basically the fruit version of air conditioning.

Strawberries: The icon of the fruit bowl, strawberries are nature’s candy and somehow make you feel healthy while eating dessert.

Honey-crisp Apple: The gold standard of apples—crisp, sweet, and with a bite that feels like a celebration in your mouth. No other apple compares.

Grapefruit: A fruit that’s like life itself—sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, but always worth it. Plus, it’s the only fruit that makes breakfast feel sophisticated.

Kumquat: The little fruit that packs a punch—sweet, tart, and eaten whole, peel and all. It’s like the rollercoaster of fruits, and I’m here for the ride.

Orange / Tangerines (tie): The zesty duo that brightens up any day. Whether peeling or slicing, these little citrus gems bring sunshine to every bite.

Grapes: Tiny orbs of happiness that make snacking feel fancy. They’re basically wine in training, and who can argue with that?

Banana: The workhorse of fruits—always reliable, perfectly portable, and packed with potassium. And let’s not forget the joy of peeling one like a pro.

Lemons / Limes (another tie): The unsung heroes of flavor, these citrus powerhouses make everything better—from cocktails to salad dressing to life itself.

Tomato (oh yeah… also a fruit): The fruit that moonlights as a vegetable, tomatoes are the shapeshifters of the kitchen. From sauces to salads, they’re always the star of the show.

Peach: A fuzz-covered hug from nature, peaches are the taste of summer and sweetness, wrapped up in a single juicy bite.

Honeydew: Often the forgotten cousin of melons, but when it’s good, it’s a sweet, green dream. The underdog of the fruit salad.

Plum: Small but mighty, plums are tart, sweet, and a little mysterious. The fruit equivalent of a short story with a perfect twist.

A Final Fruitful Reflection

Fruits, like life, come in all shapes and sizes, and each brings its own little burst of joy. Whether they’re juicy, tart, or perfectly sweet, these fruits have earned their place in my heart (and in my fridge). Sure, ranking them might be a bit ridiculous, but then again, so is much of life—and that’s what makes it fun.

So, the next time you grab a peach or slice up a watermelon, just know that you’re enjoying one of nature’s finest creations, approved by yours truly.